We all know that married life with kids is filled with so much joy, but that it has its fair share of challenges too – many of which happen between the sheets. The truth is that all couples become sexually out of sync at some point or another.

Perhaps he’s got high stress levels from work and his soldier fails to salute. Or you’re anxious about something, and you can’t relax enough to reach orgasm. You might be holding on to anger from a fight you had a few days prior, and the argument flares up again while you’re attempting to make love. Or, he did the “thing” you can’t stand and it turned you right off, mid-session, and you couldn’t get back in the groove, leaving you both feeling disappointed. Or your kid pushed the door right open, got an eyeful, and well, things went downhill fast from there.

what-to-do-when-things-go-wrong-in-the-bedroom-640x640Whatever the causes, sometimes you end up having distracted, disconnected and frustratingly AWFUL SEX.

Has any of this ever happened to you? It’s taking you nearly an hour to come and so you finally just give up, but are left feeling super-frustrated. Or, you’re really craving the feeling of penetration, but he loses his erection or blasts off within 30 seconds. You lay there thinking, ‘This kind of sucks.’ Or worse, you wonder, ‘Is this the next 40 years of my life? Is our sex life doomed?’

No doubt, it happens to the best of us – even if you usually have a strong, mutually satisfying sex life. A disappointing sexual encounter can cause a lot of emotional stress, and if you let it fester, it can generate resentment within your relationship. But a night of Awful Sex is NOT a disaster. It’s just the opposite. It’s an opportunity to improve your relationship. A great opportunity, in fact. With some honest communication and a healthy dose of creativity and compassion, you can very quickly recover from it.

Here’s how:

Step 1: TALK ABOUT IT! And right away.
Be open and honest about how you’re both feeling about what just happened. Yes, it can feel very vulnerable to talk about ‘what went wrong’ immediately after having sex, but it’s an opportunity to strengthen your intimacy and clear the air. Snuggle in, get close, put your hand on his cheek – and then say something light, like, “Sooo, that wasn’t our best moment, right? Let’s talk about it.”

You’re just breaking the ice – not attacking or blaming, just acknowledging that your sexy session got a little off path. Then, you might say, “I felt frustrated because I had wanted to feel you inside me for longer… because that feels really good to me. What felt frustrating about our session to you?”

Then, listen to his response.

Step 2: Brainstorm Solutions & Alternatives Together
For example, he might say, “Listen, I was really excited and turned on and I came too soon. I want to satisfy you. We could wait a little bit until I’m ready to go again, or we could use a toy to help you have an orgasm?”

How fab is that? It may not be what you’d originally wanted from him, but you’re finding a path to satisfaction together – and that’s impressive.

Step 3: Get Back in the Saddle:
You don’t have to “solve the problem” that night or immediately try having sex again, although that may be the right thing for you. Whatever the case is, be sure to try again within a few days. Start with lots of intimate kissing, massaging and just being together. If he lost his erection or came too soon the last time, he’s going to feel pressure — and performance anxiety — and that can lead to another downer. So build the passion slowly. Agree that this time isn’t about reaching orgasm; it’s about reconnecting and feeling close. Show your enthusiasm for each other, help one another relax and enjoy the process.

By combining honest, blame-free communication with creative sexual brainstorming and a willingness to get back in the saddle quickly, you two can start to reclaim your passion in no time. (Just be sure to lock the door this time if junior busted in on that last session!)

What do you think?
Does the thought of talking about sex right after having it scare you?
Have you already tried this when you’ve had a moment of sexual disconnection?
What else do you do in your relationship when sex goes bad?

As always, I want to know!

Please share your stories in the comments below…

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This