When I gave birth to our son, Rocky, I felt like a glowing warrior goddess.
In that moment, I became more feminine, powerful, and sensual than ever before. I felt more love than I could imagine—for my baby, my husband, myself—and even my own mother and father.
It felt magical, like I’d done what I was born to do. And I was so very happy.
But as the months passed and the newborn high subsided, the days and nights started blurring together. My energy fizzled out. I went from drowsy to exhausted to flat-out broken down from sleep deprivation. My lopsided breasts ached and leaked, and my brain felt fuzzy. I felt utterly unsexy, and totally alien in my own skin.
As happy as I was to welcome my boy into the world, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that becoming a mother also turned my whole life upside down.
Every decision I made suddenly took on new meaning. My emotions were different; my priorities changed. Past concerns and interests seemed trivial. My energy was both sky-high and completely shot at the same time.
And along with these changes came a major shift in my relationship with my partner.
We became so focused on becoming good parents that we began to lose sight of our own relationship. And like most new parents, we were struggling to find the time and energy for romance and intimacy in our new life.
And truth be told: I was struggling to find the motivation too.
What was once easy and natural for me suddenly became… the opposite. I felt like sex had suddenly become a chore and an obligation.
It was as if everything I knew about my sex life had changed overnight!
Eventually, I began to miss the sexual, sensual parts of myself and my relationship. And I could feel my husband’s confusion too – like, what’s happened to my wife? My sexy, fun, vital wife?
With the prolonged dry spell we found ourselves in (it lasted way, way, wayyy past the 6-week “doctor says it’s ok” visit), I could tell Charlie felt pushed to the side and and a little bit locked out… And when I saw that in him, I felt really guilty.
Does any of this sound at all familiar?
If you’re here reading this blog, I have a feeling it might…
That’s why I chose to talk about it — and how I found my way forward into a new-and-improved phase of our love life — in this Truth Bomb Mom video.
So where did we begin?
And how did we actually get out of this prolonged “parental” rut in our sex life?
Check out these moments in the video to find out:
(4:47) First, I started exploring how to feel sexy for myself again, as a woman.
(5:10) Second, Charlie and I had open, honest conversations about what we wanted to co-create with our intimate life. (I KNOW these kinds of partner conversations can feel scary — but in the video, I give you the exact word choices to get this convo started!
(6:00) Third, we started doing sexy things together… outside the bedroom.
(6:29) Fourth, we started putting sex on the calendar. Why? Because it gets you working as a team to make your intimate life a PRIORITY!
Go ahead and check out the video, then, try out a few of the tips to help you reignite the intimacy in your own relationship!
With these 4 practical approaches in hand, you’ll find that bringing the spark back to your relationship after kids isn’t as hard as you think 😉
As always, thanks so much for stopping by and watching my videos.
In the comments below, let me know which of my suggestions you’ll try out in your own relationship!
PS: This is the first of a series of videos I’ll be sharing over on Facebook’s Truth Bomb Mom.
If you haven’t checked them out yet, do yourself a favor and head over there now! On TBM, it’s real moms getting real about the most important job of all: being a mom. From bullying to stretch marks to sex-after-kids, there’s no topic too hot to take on. I’m super excited to be a Truth Bomb Mom, and I hope you’ll stay tuned in for more from me and the other amazing mamas sharing our truth!