In celebration of Valentine’s Day, I was recently invited to lead a ladies-only workshop on Sex, Sensuality, Self-love & Satisfaction.
Ask me to talk about my four favorite “S” words to a fabulous group of mothers at The Jane Club in Los Angeles? Yes, please! Consider my bags packed and kids swiftly kissed goodbye.
A fellow mom, long-time friend and entrepreneurial powerhouse, Jess Zaino, was the host and organizer. Alongside ‘Grace & Frankie' actress June Diane Raphael, Jess recently opened up The Jane Club as the ultimate workspace for moms.
Imagine a “matriarchal oasis”, where work and self-care are both high on the menu. There’s office amenities, meeting areas and a breastfeeding space.
There's blowouts, Botox, manicures, yoga and dance classes… even laundry services.
WOW, right? As a working mama, it’s my personal idea of heaven!
The event was set to celebrate Valentine’s Day, and I was so excited to discuss topics like:
Self-pleasure as self-care
How to use “erotic energies” to create NEWNESS within a long-term relationship.
How to help your partner improve their sexual invitations (so that’s it’s more than a wink + a pinch.)
How to get out of your head during sex
The 3 Core Questions to ask to create an epic (but easy) conversation about sex with your partner
And we talked about ALL this… And then some!
At the start, the women broke into small groups for 20 minutes of personal sharing.
Yes, women baring their truths to one another, some already friends, some strangers: sharing honestly about sex, sensuality, hang-ups, fears, obstacles, desires, loves and losses.
There were tears. Laughter. Hugs. Bonds formed, in an instant.
On more than one account, I overheard a woman say “I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feels this way.”
And when the women came back to the group, they introduced even MORE topics to discuss, such as:
What to do if you feel fearful of fully stepping into your sexuality
How to process lingering shame from a religious upbringing
How to use breathing techniques to deepen your orgasms
Why you should have sex before you go on a date
What the heck is a Yoni Egg and should I be using one?
(And yes. In case you’re wondering, I did share elaborate details of my personal Yoni Egg practice and told the story of how my crystal quartz Chakrubs wand earned the name “The Rainbow Rocket”!)
The evening was personal.
It was deep.
It was healing.
It was filled with hysterical laughter.
And each woman in the room learned so much, including me.
Here are just some of the lessons I (re)learned about Women, Sex and Satisfaction that night:
- MANY WOMEN STILL FEEL SHY TO TALK OPENLY ABOUT SEX
If you just nodded your head, I got you, girl. I get it…
Many ( if not most, of us) weren’t raised to speak openly about this subject.
But if anything becomes crystal clear (again and again) at my live workshops, it’s that sharing can free you. And that talking heals.
Whether you can attend a workshop of mine or not, JUST START TALKING & SHARING MORE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDS.
You don’t have to have all the “right language,” or know the answers. You just need a bit of courage and a handful of girlfriends you trust.
I invite you to step up and round up your momtribe for a “sex talk” gathering once a month. Be a leader and get that conversation started.
Here are some provocative starter topics to help you drive the discussion:
FIRSTS. You can talk about your first kiss, your first one-night stand, your first time with your spouse.
TOYS and TOOLS. Ask the girls, Are you a toy novice or old pro? Do you have a favorite toy we need to know about? What tools do you want to try, but haven’t yet done so?
SEXY SCREEN SCENES. Discuss the steamy film scenes or characters that instantly awaken your libido, past or present. Allow this pop culture convo lead into a discussion about inspiring sexual fantasies…
2. MOTHERS EXPERIENCE A LOT OF COMMON BLOCKS.
(A ‘block’ is anything that holds you back from experiencing the most satisfying expression of their sensual self-confidence and relationship.)
Yep, us mamas have a lot in common when it comes to sex and sensuality, after kids.
Common blocks I heard from the mothers at The Jane Club workshop included:
Feeling STUCK IN THE MOM ZONE: a sense of being “all mother, all the time”
Simmering RESENTMENT towards a spouse: feeling jealous of their freedom, both mental and social.
Being “ALL TOUCHED OUT” and resisting affection and advances from a loving partner because of it
Experiencing UNSATISFYING SEX (but not knowing how to communicate the specifics of their dissatisfaction)
A DECLINE IN BODY CONFIDENCE, feeling uncomfortable in a body they no longer recognize.
Feeling as though SEX HAS BECOME AN OBLIGATION, instead of a choice.
Do any of these blocks resonate with you?
Take a moment to give it some thought and if something resonates, jot down your notes.
Which blocks feel most troubling to you, right now?
Which ones feel easiest to overcome?
Listen, blocks come with the territory of motherhood.
But, now is the time to actively seek out creative ways to move beyond them.
I’m always excited to be a part of that process for the women I work with.
At home, the best way for you to to start busting through your blocks is to simply start talking through them with your girlfriends — see above, and add this to your conversation-starter list!)
3) MOTHERS STILL HAVE LOADS OF DESIRES
No matter how many blocks were aired out that night, there were just as many DESIRES spoken.
Some of these included:
- I want to love my body
- I want to have bigger orgasms
- I want to feel more supported by my husband
- I want more variety in my sex life
- I want my partner to know that foreplay begins in the morning with a compliment!
- I want to become more open to receive pleasure
- I want to feel less afraid to explore my sexiness
- I want to get over my guilt and shame
- I want to stop being lazy about my sex life
- I want more me-time
Pretty awesome stuff, right?
I love being the catalyst for women and mothers to start openly recongizing their desires and sharing how they want to feel, as sensual beings.
Isn’t that inspiring?
It certainly was for me. It never gets old, listening to women share their desires and intentions for a more satisfying experience of self, motherhood & partnership.
And now, what about you?
What do YOU want?
What are YOUR desires?
Take a moment to ponder.
Write them down.
Say them quietly to yourself or out loud.
Tell your partner. Tell your friends.
And be sure to share them in confidence with us in The Satisfied Mama FB Group.
Thanks for sharing in my memories and lessons from this amazing workshop!
PS: I hope to see YOU at a workshop one day in your city, and soon I’ll have news of how you can join me in a virtual workshop that’ll be just as much fun.
Stay tuned for that!
PPS: One of my favorite moments of the workshop was this: At one point, I thought I heard a phone vibrating.
Actually, I could feel it vibrating in my feet. I kept looking around and couldn’t tell where it was coming from. I decided to ask the group, “I think I can feel someone’s phone vibrating. And it won’t stop. Is someone’s phone going off?”
A woman sitting in the back raised her hand and said, “It’s my breast pump!”
The room erupted in applause and giggles and celebratory hollers.
How amazing is that? A community of women, all sitting together, sharing their truths about desire, sex and motherhood, all while supporting the sister pumping out sustenance for her baby in the background. The best!