What a thing we have all gone through — and are still going through! As the days get warmer and we inch closer to June, I often wonder what summer will bring.
Yet, if there’s one thing that this pandemic has taught us, it’s that we must become comfortable with uncertainty, and that being present in the moment is the only way to go. Do you agree?
And now, onto some juicy content…
Over the course of the last few months, I’ve had some amazing conversations with fellow parenting and motherhood thought-leaders about life in a pandemic. And one of my favorite sessions was with Alexis Barad-Cutler about sex and intimacy during the time of Covid-19.
If you don’t already know her, Alexis is the creator of Not Safe For Mom Group, an online community where moms come together to candidly discuss and connect over the grittier sides of motherhood WITHOUT shame or judgement.
We joined together for a “Moms Anonymous” Zoom session to talk about the difficulties — and the opportunities — of intimacy during a pandemic. And let me tell you: this interview is JAM PACKED with REALNESS, HONEST SHARES, and SUPER-PRACTICAL TIPS to get your mojo back, right now.
Watch my discussion with Alexis below for in-depth information on this topic.
We cover a lot of ground in this convo, including:
01:56 – The main reasons you might be struggling with intimacy right now
06:18 – Using pleasure as self-care
16:22 – The value of scheduling intimacy with your partner
21:32 – How to reconnect with your body using “transition stretching”
31:20 – How to heal feelings of shame around self pleasure
34:29 – Overcoming resentment with a weekly “resentment check-in”
58:33 – How to use creativity to reinvigorate your relationship
Alexis and I dove deep into these topics during this interview and I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed it doing it!
And if you don’t have time to watch, here’s a couple of my top tips for intimacy during a pandemic that we covered:
1. Be Honest With Yourself & Your Partner
Communication is key, right? And while talking about sex might feel a little uncomfortable, without that honest conversation, it may feel very hard to rekindle your sex life.
So, sit down with your partner and have a conversation after the kids are asleep. Take turns sharing your thoughts on the following questions:
- What’s great about our sex life?
- What could be better?
- How can we co-create a sex life that is exciting and compassionate for our relationship right now?
Focus on options that are realistic but still exciting and pleasurable for the both of you, that can be explored right now, considering the challenges you’re both experiencing like limited free-time away from the kids, reduced privacy, etc.
An exploratory conversation like this will go a long way in connecting with your partner and showing them your interest in keeping intimacy alive, no matter what is happening in the world.
2. Use W-Words
I’ve talked about this a million times before, and the “W-Words” tool is still one of my most valuable and effective relationship practices to reduce resentment, which is pretty CRUCIAL right now.
When you feel resentment, what you are feeling is a result of unmet needs and expectations. And so, in order to heal the resentment, you’ve got to get clear on your needs and then confident to express them in a way your partner will respond to in a positive way. You can see more on this topic and learn how to get your needs met by your partner here: https://danabmyers.pages.ontraport.net/how-to-get-help
I loved talking with Alexis on all these topics and I encourage you to check out her blog, NSFMG, which is a safe place for controversial topics that many mothers don’t feel safe expressing otherwise. (She also has an ask mom anything that’s on your mind group and they will anonymously post it on your behalf if you’re uncomfortable posting your question publicly.)
It’s truly a gem and I know you’ll love it!