This week, I've chosen to answer a question that hits close to home. It's from a new mother who wants to get her mojo back. She says, “I just had a baby in October. What's the best way to get back on track with our intimacy and bring more fun back to the bedroom?”
I've been a mommy now for 3 1/2 years and let me tell you… this is THE question for mothers. At every mommy-and-me group, playdate and toddler music class I've attended, the conversation inevitably steers towards sex and relationships.
“How much sex should we be having now that we have kids?”
“What if I'm just not interested anymore?”
“I'm too tired for sex. I actually fell asleep while he was trying to get frisky with me.”
“I hardly have time to wash my hair, so how do I make time for sex?”
“How do I feel sexy if I'm covered in spit-up?”
“I'm satisfied to just give him a quickie and fake it.”
Yep. I hear you, mamas. These are the problems of The Busy Mommy. The “Busy Mommy” is one of my Mojo Models, or sexy lifestyle archetypes, in the Mojo Makeover book. And if you're “her”, some of this should sound pretty familiar. Due to your hectic lifestyle – balancing family duties, career, and various other outside influences – your attention to yourself and your sex life has fallen by the wayside, leaving you feeling frustrated and unsure of where your sexually alive & interesting self went! You've become an expert at taking care of everyone else, so that you now frequently forget to take care of yourself. It feels as though there's no time, space or privacy for sex, and it can be hard for you to feel like a sexual being when you're so focused on juggling your daily routine. You might be losing patience with your hubby, or even feeling some resentment that he gets to go to work and be immersed in his “regular” life while you've got a baby/kid attached to your breast, hip or hand. Your sex drive is likely lower than your partner's and if you're having solo sessions, they're likely a lot less frequent than before. And while the baby weight may or may not be gone, it's likely you're seeing your body in a different way after what it's been through.
Sorry… did that paragraph just overwhelm you? Take a deep breath. You will move beyond this moment. Your number one Mojo Mission will be to make the time and mental space for sex and intimacy. But even before that, you're going to have to learn to find yourself desirable again! You'll need to take five minutes each day to do something that makes you feel good, and it will make a world of difference. Commit to communicating regularly to your partner about sex, and really investigate what your sex life means to you both. Be curious! What do you want that connection to feel like? But most of all, you need to rediscover your own unique sexiness, tap back into that wellspring of freedom and creativity, and reintegrate it into a new sexual self. You'll need to retrain your brain & body to SAY YES again – to your desires, to sex, and to seducing and being seduced. (And for heavens sake, let there be no more faking it!)
Best part about this? This process is actually a ton of fun, and the end result will have you feeling better not only in the bedroom… but in the kitchen, on playdates, at work, everywhere.
For more specific tips, tricks, exercises and inspiration that'll bring your mommy mojo to life again, join me at my 3-week workshop, starting on Thursday, February 27th!
For more info and tickets: http://tinyurl.com/mommymojo