Hello there lovely ladies…
In the last 4 months, my life has been turned upside down. Curbing the drama, I don’t mean in a life-and-death sort of way (thank Gd!)… but nonetheless, there have been massive changes to life as I knew it in Brooklyn.
My husband and I, along with our two little ones, packed it up and moved to the Caribbean. It’s for a set period of time, and we’ll be back in NYC every 2 months or so on business, but still – everything is different.
I learned to drive on the “wrong side of the road.”
I started our Kid at a new school.
I’ve begun the ‘meeting & sifting’ once again to make new friends.
There are no sexy coffee shops or corner bistros. No busy Brooklyn streets to saunter down, chatting up friends and strangers as I make my way here or there.
There’s no Bounty paper towels or Intuition razor refills… and it’s REALLY exciting when I find cottage cheese at the market.
Recently, I’ve felt out of place, out of my comfort zone, and a little off my game. Overall, my MOJO has been wonky. Apparently, “major change” just isn’t my sweet spot.
That said, it’s also been incredibly exciting. This is most definitely a life adventure. We are living in a tropical paradise, splashing in the healing sea water, eating giant fresh mangoes straight from the tree, and learning to live and thrive in a new culture.
And despite my occasional “I-miss-my-friends-and-Bounty-paper-towels” tantrums, my sex drive has increased! There have been sexy lunchtime hook-ups at the office (we share the space), late night skinny dipping sessions, and sandy moments on deserted beaches. I’m feeling MUCH lustier.
So, I started wondering… is it the sunshine? All the fresh air? The sea water?
Perhaps, but I think something else has helped to reignite our spark.
Since my hubby and I arrived, we’ve been thrust out of our routine and headfirst into new experiences, situations, and challenges. Making such a dramatic lifestyle change kicked up some dust. Yet in a relationship, when there’s this kind of discomfort, you have a choice. You can move closer to one another, or you can move apart and let distance come between you. We chose to come together – to communicate more honestly, support each other more fully, and when we fight, to make up more romantically.
All in all, we’ve actually increased our intimacy through these changes. And I have to say, I’m pretty proud of that. Long-term relationships aren’t easy, and to continue reinventing your romance takes work… but we’re doing it.
While uprooting your family to live abroad isn’t exactly a practical option for rekindling your romance, there’s something you can take away from my experience of doing so.
Excitement, newness, and adventure can quickly increase intimacy, desire, and lust for your partner and your relationship. And you can create that in your life, right now, without making huge life-changing decisions.
And so, here are five simple ideas for you to bring back that spark of excitement into your relationship.
1. Learn a new skill: Take a class together to learn a new skill or pursue a new interest. It could be something thrilling like a trapeze lesson (it’ll require you to trust your partner), intimate and flirtatious like pottery throwing (think Patrick & Demi in Ghost), or totally erotic like a sensual massage course.
2. Go exploring: Book a babysitter on a Saturday for four hours and do some daytime exploring. Walk a new part of town, go apple picking (make out in the orchard), go window shopping, or find a quiet cafe and reconnect over a cup of coffee and a delicious pastry.
3. Try a new cuisine together: Eating is a sensual act, and so trying new foods together can become a seductive and flirtatious adventure in itself. Try an exotic restaurant, spoon new foods into one another mouths and talk about the flavors and aromas you encounter. This experience combines bravery (trying something wild) and intimacy (feeding each other), which almost always equals instant lust. [An obvious bonus tip? Don’t eat anything that will make you gassy. You don’t want to generate all this lust and then have to put the kibosh on sexy time because of, um, you know.]
4. Go to the amusement park together: Whether you’re riding a roller coaster, floating on the swings, or showing off your skills to win a stuffed animal, you’ll be holding hands and feeling the endorphins flowing. When you reconnect with a sense of youthful play and adventure, you’ll remember who you both are at your core. That’s sexy.
5. Do something you fear: Maybe it’s riding that vertical free fall drop you swore you’d never try, or going dancing in a night club full of strangers – doing something you fear with your loved one will generate a sense of connectedness and intimacy. When your lover encourages you to get through something you’re scared of, you’ll feel bonded, protected, and hopefully, pretty lusty because of it!
So go on, get out of the house and give something new a try. See if it lights up your libido. Or even better, go into the experience believing that it will! You’ll automatically feel closer, more connected and more aroused when you purposefully put pleasure, connection, and intimacy FIRST in your relationship.
Leave a comment below and let me know how it’s going.
Let me know what did you do to build closeness and connection with your partner?