When you walked down the aisle at your wedding, what did your dream of life together look like?
Was it a glittering vision of domestic bliss, where you shared responsibility equally, like 50/50-style? Or did you anticipate happily taking on more housework than your partner?
And did you ever actually talk about how it would be?
And what did you anticipate when you were pregnant? That you’d share the night feeds equally? What about the cooking, cleaning, the ordering of supplies? The scheduling of doctor’s appointments, filling out school forms, planning birthday parties and booking date nights, too?
Did you actually discuss who’d keep the house budget, pay the bills, and deal with health care forms? Probably not. Because truth be told, discussing the motherload of micro-tasks and responsibilities involved in child-care and domestic life isn’t something most couples actually discuss.
And I know this because one of the recurring themes that came up in my interviews with mothers for The Mommy Mojo Makeover book was their frustration with how domestic and child-care related responsibilities are divided between the spouses.
And the grievances were pretty much the same, whether the mom worked full-time outside of the home or didn’t work outside the home.
The overwhelming majority of these moms told me that they’re the ones in charge of getting groceries, cooking dinner, picking the kids up after school, making sure they get their homework done, and playing taxi to soccer games and karate practice.
They’re also the one who’s responsible for making the doctor and dentist appointments and everything else the little ones need.
So it’s no surprise that resentment begins to fester. The division of labor between partners with kids is often wayyyy out of balance.
And it’s one of the biggest romance-killers there is in a relationship. (And we know that resentment is so TOXIC for your love connection and sex life too!).
Because, let’s face it, if you’re holding onto a ton of resentment towards your partner, rekindling an intimate and enthusiastic sex life with them will feel almost impossible.
But you can change this, and you can start shifting that negative relationship dynamic today with one simple idea: YOU CAN CLARIFY YOUR ROLES.
It’s important, and it’s easier to do than you think.
In today’s video, I share a simple communication exercise where you’ll learn how to make your partner a TRUE partner in the division of labor.
No matter how many kids you have or what your circumstances are, you can adopt this practice to your unique relationship dynamic and situation so that each person winds up happier with their responsibilities.
In today's video, you'll learn how to:
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Clarify your roles and create a division of labor that feels organic, so that each partner feels fulfilled.
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Create more awareness of just how much work goes into the constant care of a child and a home (hello, this is super helpful to get more understanding & appreciation from your partner)
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Get clear about who’s doing what around the house, so each partner can take ownership (thus dramatically reducing the amount of nagging/reminding that must be done).
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Increase feelings of warmth and attraction because you’ll feel less burdened and more supported!
Listen: Resentment is really just an unmet need. You want your partner to do something for you, and if they don’t, the resentment starts to build. So until you have clearly outlined who is supposed to do what, and communicated that with one another, how can you know if your expectations are reasonable — or if they can even be met?
In this video, I give you CLEAR communication prompts and practices to clarify your roles and responsibilities. I tell you exactly what to say and how to say it so that you both feel comfortable talking through who will take ownership for what.
Spoiler alert: this may not be the most ROMANTIC conversation you’ve ever had, but it can be a game-changer for getting some of the domestic load off your plate and feeling like you’re on the same team again.
(Plus, the interesting thing is that this process of clarifying your roles can ALSO work to improve your romantic life. There’s more on that in the video!)
Be sure to watch the video, and even ask your partner to watch it with you so that this conversation feels like a healthy team effort with mutual benefits to boot.
As always, thanks for watching and I want to know your thoughts.
After you watch, leave a comment below and answer the questions:
- What did your lists look like?
- What did you get off your plate?
- And did you include dating & romance in your discussion?
Please share as much detail as you feel comfortable. When you share about your relationship, you undoubtedly help inspire another mom/couple!
Good luck with the conversation, and I can’t wait to hear how it goes for you~
XOXO,
Dana
