A while back, I was driving and out of nowhere, my son said, “Mom, how are babies made?”
Now, as a mother who also happens to be a sex and relationships coach… I want my kids to grow up with a really healthy understanding of and relationship to pleasure and intimacy.
And so I made the decision to answer my son in a super honest way.
“Well, when two people want to have a child, the man puts his penis inside a woman’s vagina. His sperm meets her egg, and it makes a baby.”
To which my son just said… “EWWWW.”
And my daughter said…
“Well if THAT’S how babies are made then i’m NOT having one and I’ll marry a girl instead!”
And with those two responses, that was the end of THAT sex talk.
But it was the beginning of many age-appropriate conversations that I began having with my kids discussing questions like:
- What does a healthy relationship look like?
- What is romantic love? What is intimacy?
- What is pleasure?
- Why do people have sex?
- What is consent?
- How can you give it and how do you ask for it? And why is consent so important?
Now, listen. I know that you might feel a sense of dread when you look at this list. Or at the least a bit of uncertainty about how and where to get started.
I totally get it. But these conversations with our kids don’t have to be difficult. They can actually be easy, and GREAT practice for building trust so that our kids know it’s safe to come to us to talk about… anything.
That’s why I made this new Truth Bomb Mom video for you, called “How I Talk About Sex with My Kids.”
Check it out to hear how having open, ongoing, age-appropriate conversations with my kids about bodies, babies, intimacy, consent, respect, pleasure (and more!) is actually much easier and more enjoyable than I ever thought it would be.
And here’s a couple key learnings to get you started:
The longer we put off talking to our kids about sex, the more likely it is that they’ll learn about it through a classmate or by stumbling upon an adult video on a friend’s iPad (yeah, not everyone remembers to put parental controls on their children’s devices!).
Take ownership of the situation by starting to have age appropriate conversations with your kids now. Do your research. Start somewhere. Make this a normal part of your relationship. Answer their questions.
There are so many great resources and books on where to begin, so grab a few for yourself based on your kids’ ages. I started with the “30 Days of Sex Talks” series, which they do for 3-7, 8-11, and 12+ years of age.
Just bite the bullet and get comfortable talking about these things, starting now. Assess what’s age appropriate and get going.
Remember this: You don’t need to be an authority
Even though I’m a sex + relationships coach… I admit I don’t have all the answers on how to talk to my kids about intimacy! But I know I don’t need to have all the answers. And you don’t either.
Use books as your guides. Speak from your own experience. Share your own values. Let your kids know that you’re here for them and that they can ask you ANYTHING.
So, what do you think?
What questions have your kids asked you about intimacy and how did you respond?
How have you and your partner decided to tackle this topic with your kids?
Leave me a comment below with your thoughts and stories…