It’s Father’s Day this weekend: a time to celebrate your partner-in-parenting and show him just how much you (and the kids!) care.
And I’ve been thinking A LOT about what the best Father’s Day gift is that you can give him. And I’ve decided that it’s not a set of BBQ tools OR a cheeky erotic favor.
But it IS something he truly desires and deserves from you.
(And I’ll get to what that is in just a moment. If you want to skip ahead, click to watch the video now!)
But first, a little personal story.
There is nothing that makes me fall more deeply in love with my husband than watching him in action as the father of our children. Just as I became more of a woman through motherhood, he has become even more of an amazing man through fatherhood.
His style is both masculine and tender, playful AND sensitive, and he’s truly an amazing dad.
Yet as much as I love and adore my husband and his hands-on approach to parenting, I’ve also become acutely aware of a particular irritation it stirs in me… something I like to call his Daddy Style.
Don’t let the playful connotation fool you: Daddy Style is the unique and often maddening way in which he does things as a father.
Simply put, Daddy Style is doing things HIS way, not MINE.
An example: He takes on bedtimes, but then gets the kids to sleep an hour late, after 17 books + 3 glasses of water, on a school night, while the dinner I cooked goes cold.
He whips up chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and then gives the kids candy immediately afterwards, the morning after we agreed to cut down on the family’s sugar intake.
He gives them a bath and floods the floor, while also forgetting to wash the shampoo out of their hair.
Does this sound familiar? I'll bet that you have your OWN list of unique Daddy Style examples that drive you batsh*t crazy.
Do they cause you to feel more irritated with him and maybe even less attracted to him?
If so, that’s a problem.
It’s a problem because none of those “Daddy Style” examples are life and death situations, nor are they directed as some sort of personal attack on me or you.
They’re examples of our partners being awesome, playful dads — connecting with the kids while also offering us a helping hand… and giving us a much-needed break.
So then… why does Daddy Style often irritate and annoy us to no end?
And why do we think that because Daddy does it differently then that must mean it’s wrong?
I answer both those questions in this week’s video, but here’s what I want to tell you here:
A lack of acceptance of your partner’s “Daddy Style” can create a rather unpleasant dynamic within your relationship. And if you don’t invest a bit of energy into shifting this dynamic now, you may find yourselves creating a terrible pattern of criticism and self-doubt that only leads to frustration, resentment and distance between you two — instead of attraction, connection and fun.
And it’s also really bad for your sex life.
Because how can either one of you feel turned on after you criticized how he bathed the kids? You can’t. It’s impossible to feel both irritation AND attraction at the same time.
And so – if you want to nurture a happy, satisfying partnership, full of attraction and intimacy, then your criticism of his Daddy Style ways has to stop. And Father’s Day is a perfect moment to let him know that’s what’s happening.
In this week’s video, I’ll show you the first step in changing that dynamic and learning to accept and appreciate him in all his unique Daddy Style differences.
The truth about men is that, just like us, they crave approval and respect, and want to feel appreciated.
When you tone down the criticism, you create room for romance and connection. And when you show your affection and welcome their help without judgment, they become inspired to try harder and do more for you. Talk about a win-win!
Alright, we’re off for a staycation this weekend to celebrate Charlie for Father’s Day.
And it’s my promise that I will NOT criticise the way he a) encourages the kids to jump off the super-high diving board that I think is too scary for them, b) jumps on my freshly made hotel bed with them, c) promises to let them stay up until midnight, and d) walks by the piles of laundry on the floor as if they don’t exist.
Instead, I will take a deep breath.
I will silently repeat to myself, “I love his Daddy Style!”.
I will THANK HIM for being so joyfully playful with them. And I will acknowledge that the skill set that Daddy brings is just as important to the care and development of our children as mine. (And then I’ll channel ALL that into deepening my attraction and lust for him!
Because, yes, THAT. IS. POSSIBLE. And there’s something really cool coming up this summer where I’m going to show you exactly how to do that.
It’s called The Satisfied Mama and it’s my brand-new, tools-based course designed to empower you to find wayyyy more satisfaction within motherhood and completely reignite your relationship after kids).