The world is feeling pretty intense right now.
And I know that, as mamas, we’re all really feeling it.
Between becoming homeschooling administrators + making 8,000 snacks a day + taking on more housekeeping + trying to maintain our careers… so many of us mamas feel stressed, strapped, and depleted.
And our relationships are feeling the pressure, too.
Spending more time with our partners, inside the house, while fielding more demands from the kids, and without our usual social outlets to entertain and engage us… well, it’s fair to say that our relationships are experiencing more stress and less romance.
Yet, I think it’s incredibly important that we focus on keeping our relationship (and our intimate life!) with our partner healthy, alive, and even… thriving.
We don’t want to come out of this crisis feeling disconnected to our spouse, or with a newfound distance between us. Not for ourselves, or for our kids!
And while this whole moment in time can feel incredibly unnerving, it can also be a real opportunity to work on your relationship.
So in this week’s video, I want to share a few simple ways how Charlie, my husband, and I are handling these tough times together.
You might also call it: “3 ways to avoid killing each other when the world has changed and you’re suddenly stuck in a house together 24 hours a day, and you have no privacy because you’ve started homeschooling your kids, and you no longer have date nights like you used to.”
Because even though this whole new world might feel like a lot for your relationship to handle, there’s actually an opportunity to handle it in a way where you can experience beautiful growth together… Right?
Check out my simple strategies here:
And here’s a bit more info on what we’ve put in place to help us stay strong as a couple, for ourselves and for our kids — because you know they pick up on the energy we’re putting out!
1. Avoid Micromanaging
In times of crisis, we take a real DIVIDE and CONQUER approach to tackle all the tasks in front of us, so that we’re each responsible for DIFFERENT things.
For example, I set the daily schedule for the kids, and he’s in charge of our supplies.
And once we’ve agreed on “who’s doing what,” we avoid commenting to one another on HOW those tasks are done.
This is super IMPORTANT because micromanaging one another is a surefire way to start a fight.
2. Constantly Working On Our Communication
One way we do this is by focusing on clearly expressing our emotions and needs — instead of criticizing or blaming each other.
We remember to speak from the “I.” So, I’ll say “I feel overwhelmed today and I need your help with the kids” instead of screaming “You don’t help me enough and it’s driving me crazy!”
If you want to bring this tool into your own relationship, just state how you’re feeling using “I feel,” and then give your partner a clear direction on how they can meet your needs. And vice versa. This practice needs to be reciprocal to be effective!
3. We’re keeping it sexy
I know that in stressful times, you may feel completely disinterested in intimacy. I know that I have struggled to find that part of myself right now.
But I think we all need to be thinking about how to keep intimacy alive with our partners when we’re experiencing such a dramatic and stressful shift in our lives. Because intimacy is the glue that binds us! Intimacy can be stress-relieving. Calming. Energizing. Connecting.
So, even though we’re stuck at home, Charlie and I are planning mini-dates with each other… and we actually dress up for them. Not only does this make me feel beautiful and make the evening special, but it shows that we are both still putting in the effort and wanting to shine for each other during odd times.
It shows we’re still making an effort to bring romance to one another even though this is a seriously UN-ROMANTIC time. And a romantic date creates an opportunity for intimacy to organically arise.
4. We agree to NOT make any rash decisions or any extreme changes to our lifestyle.
For example, we agreed to NOT get a puppy right now, amidst all the changes (like adapting to homeschooling!) we are experiencing right now. We also agree not to make any BIG purchases. We agree not to make any MAJOR changes with the kids, like alter their sleeping arrangements or immediately get them off training wheels.
And we do this so that we don't ADD ANY EXTRA stress or potential discomfort to what already feels like a challenging moment for our relationship.
To summarize:
- We take a “divide and conquer” approach with our task lisk.
- We work on our communication style.
- We’re keeping things sexy with at-home dates.
- We agree to not make any drastic decisions or changes.
I hope this helps you bring a sense of connection and collaboration into your relationship and intimate life right now.
As always, I wanna know what you think… Will you try any of these suggestions? And what are the other ways you are handling these challenging times with your partner?
Let me know in the comments below… and I’ll see you next time.
