Motherhood is fast.
It's slow.
It's exciting. It’s tedious.
It’s amazing and maddening, fascinating and mind-numbingly boring.
It’s the hardest and the easiest thing, all at the same time.

Motherhood is many things, but it’s not often described as sexy.

We give so much to the kids, there’s little energy left for our sex lives. Laundry and Legos and passing out at 9 pm isn’t the biggest turn-on in a relationship.

IMG_4465But this isn’t just about the sex we have. My concern is more about feeling sexy within ourselves, as moms…and as women! Because I know that when we feel tuned in and turned on to ourselves and our sensuality, we feel happier in our lives at large—more confident in our relationships, more empowered in our roles as mothers, and even more productive at work.

Yes, I know you’re tired.
You’re overcommitted.
You have less time for self-care.
But you are NOT giving up.

I’m here to tell you that you CAN feel sexy as a mom, and you deserve to.

So, here are 10 of my favorite tips for feeling “hot mom” sexy, along with some real-life anecdotes from some of the moms in my circle. I hope they help you feel sexier, happier and more confident all the time, but especially in those “i’m-feeling-so-unsexy!” moments when you need it the most.

1. Buy a new bra. For better or worse, boobs change after having babies. Lower? Smaller? Bigger? Flatter? Swinging in different directions? Or some awe-inspiring mishmash of all the above? Yeah, it’s not the sexiest part of motherhood. And finding a bra that fits and flatters in your pre-baby underwear drawer can be frustrating, if not impossible. You need a different kind of support now, and a little magic too. Hit up a bra specialist at the mall for a fitting (check out an Intimacy store for this), then invest in a bra that does your post-baby lady lumps their due justice. Wearing a bra that actually fits, one that lifts and loves your girls like they deserve to be, will be an immediate sexy confidence-booster.

2. Book a Ladies’ Night. Once or twice a month, I gather my closest mamas for a night out. We get dolled up, share the cost of a taxi (we never drink & drive), and then we go big. We avoid kid-chatter at all costs, celebrate each other, and opt to create some real, pure, sexy grown-up fun. Here’s what my friend Renee says about it: “Ladies’ nights are one of the things that make feel the sexiest. Dressing up and hanging out with smart, funny, interesting ladies who also like to drink a glass too much, or tell a joke that's just the right amount of over-the-top… We’re dancing, flirting, cutting loose, all of which excites me about myself and makes me feel sexy.” Sounds good, right? Now go get out your calendar, email your girlfriends, and start planning your next night out.

3. Get Some Help. If you don’t do this already (or don’t do it enough), I encourage you to get in the babysitting game, and fast. Calling in backup will give you the time you need to decompress, to reconnect with yourself, and to explore your interests outside of motherhood, work, and family. Whether you try out the trendy fitness class, or just languidly window-shop with a coffee in hand, a babysitter is going to give you the much-needed “Me Time” you truly deserve. Taking time for yourself is sexy… because self-care is sexy. It’s empowering. You are a fantastic mother. You don’t have to be there 24/7! Call your parents, in-laws, neighbors, nannies, a high-school babysitter, or the mailman (not really) and book some babysitting hours. Beg, borrow and steal for it if you need to.

4. Go commando. Because not wearing any underwear feels sexy! Even if it’s just around the house, wear a skirt and feel the breeze, mama. You’ll simply feel more sensual as you cook dinner or watch TV,, sans-undies. As you’re bare below, take a moment to gently groom up if you need it. On that subject…I’m pretty sure pubic hair has officially made a comeback, so a little trim and shave should do the trick to make you feel fresh and seductive. Gone are the days of feeling like we have to pour hot wax or endure searing hot Superman laser beams on our most sensitive spots to feel sexy. (And thank God for that, haven’t we been through enough with childbirth?)

5. Let the Music Move You. Ever frantically searched for “Elmo Songs” in Spotify to calm a crying baby in the car? I know I have. And I don’t mind singing along, either. But lately, I’m more focused on using music to affect my mood. I’m making an effort to turn on inspiring playlists while I’m cooking dinner for the kids, or doing the final toy clean-up. Those moments become more of a moving meditation, and less a boring routine. Music has the distinct, almost magical, power to take you from feeling normal to feeling completely lit up, alive, and turned-on. So go ahead and try it. Kidz Bop Kids be damned. Take back your stereo and play songs that make you feel sexy.

6. Get Your Glow On. I live in a hot, sunny climate and am fiercely diligent about daily sun-protection for myself and my kids. However, I still like to look and feel like a bronzed goddess—let’s face it, a hint of color makes everyone feel shiny, sexy and even a little bit more fit, too. Whether you get it from a bottle or standing naked in front of an airbrush-wielding stranger, a bit of bronze is a fast and pretty inexpensive way to instantly feel like a sex goddess. Here’s what my friend Gayle (a mom of 2) had to say about it: “I feel incredibly sexy when I go for a spray tan on my whole body. I actually get it done with my fave sexy panties on to have the tanning marks. Call me crazy, but I love the look!”

7. Try a Smoky Eye (or a Hot Lip). While it’s often more practical to wear a natural face, nothing says sexy beauty like a seductive smoky eye. So, when you have a few extra minutes to primp, play around with this eye-popping look and see how sultry you feel, instantaneously. The classic smoky eye is done by lining around the eyes with a dark eyeliner, topping it with a matching shadow, and then blending the shadow upward on the lid to create a smudgy, just-had-a-sex-romp look. To avoid being too vampy for school pick-up, choose medium-depth colors like cocoa, bronze, copper, purple or forest green. If shadow isn’t your thing, experiment with a bold lip color instead. A solid red, hot pink, vibrant coral, wild violet—anything that makes your mouth say meowwwww. Wearing bolder make-up in the daytime might feel strange at first, but my bet is that you’ll receive more compliments than usual and, in turn, start to feel your sexy confidence rise. (If you want to see make-up tutorials on how to do a smoky eyes or hot lips from a beautiful, bad-ass mom-of-3, check out @KandeeJohnson!)
8. Do a Handstand in Lingerie. I’m about to get personal with you here, again. On my recent 10 yr. anniversary trip to Miami, I put on a lacy purple bodysuit by Mimi Holliday (a lingerie line I’m currently obsessed with) and kicked up into a handstand against a wall, right in Charlie’s sight-line. This was an obvious, “Hey Sailor, check me out!” sort of move. The hubs was instantly amused and intrigued, and while I won't get explicit about what happened next, I'm sure you can guess. The sex that followed was playful, charged, even a little bit acrobatic. It’s because yoga and lingerie, each on their own, make me feel like a sexy superhero. So, combined, it was like POW. That frisky bodysuit lit up my confidence and gave me a sense of freedom. (It’s incredible how a simple, seductive garment can encourage you to cut loose in the moment.) Confidently showing off my handstand presented a fab visual of my body and got my hubby feeling uber-lusty for me, which in turn, made me feel even more self-assured and turned on. So, go out on a limb and try this one. Pop on a pretty piece of lingerie and strike a yoga pose you love (it doesn’t have to be a handstand!), then see what kind of sexiness unfolds for you.

9. Take a Trip Down Memory Lane. My newly-single friend, Kelly (a mom-of-1) answered my “what makes you feel sexy” call like this: “I’m talking to a couple of lovers from the past. There’s some pictures being exchanged, some sexting and reminiscing of old escapades. It reminds me how exciting and wonderful sexual tension is because as I process my divorce, I've decided to be celibate right now. So all this ‘talk-but-don’t-touch’ business is heightening my sexual energy like crazy and putting me in a VERY good mood.” Married moms take heed! While I don’t recommend sexting with your ex, I do recommend letting your mind wander into your most delicious moments with past lovers. When you free your mind and bring sensual memories to the surface, your body will respond accordingly. It’s such an easy way to serve yourself up a quick a dose of sexiness.

10. Leave the Laundry. As an act of domestic rebellion, I implore you to leave the laundry (and any other housework) until tomorrow. Stare the pile down, kick it if you feel like a laugh. Just don’t put it in the washer and dryer. When you become comfortable with a bit more mess in the house, you’ll create extra time to do something that actually makes you feel sexy—like a handstand in lingerie 😉


I hope these 10 tips and tricks help you feel sexier after having a baby. But, I know they're only the beginning! I am dying to know some of your own proven, red hot mama ideas. What do you do to feel sexy as a mom? Please share your post-baby, turn-on tips in the space below. Come on all you moms out there, make this page sizzle!


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